Istanbul – My Heart of Hearts

Oh, Istanbul. The city of seven hills. This place is so spectacular I don’t think I could find it within myself to ever want to leave. Even after the hassle at the border, the second we got into town I could just feel the energy. The place has a wildness I’ve never felt anywhere else. The population as it stands is about 18 million so you can imagine what kind of life you must lead in a city as big as half a Canadian province with quadruple plus residents. The cars appear to hold no rules and neither do the pedestrians as they dodge and jay walk on the regular. The seas and seas of people some would find overwhelming but I was surprised to find myself completely at home in this sardine can of a polis. We arrived into our hostel after the taxi driver had to ask the police for directions. They were holding M-15s as casually as walking sticks. As the Poop Troop rolled in, we were surprised to see that Alex (from Belfast) who we had met in Belgrade, Serbia was still there for one more night! Our plan for the Friday evening as we strolled, or rather dodged, our way into Istanbul was to hook up with Serkan and have him take us to Taksim. Taksim square is potentially known as the busiest area in Istanbul. Along Istikal Street during the day is a plethora of cafes and shopping, but when the sun goes down, that’s when things get really mental.

We started the evening off by enlisting a troop of around 20 of us from the hostel for some shisha. After filling our lungs with melon and apple smoke we were off to get legless in Taksim. Off every side street for about a 40 minute walk there are labyrinths of clubs and bars. You’re literally shoulder to shoulder with Turks all in the mood to party. Our first night in town we went to a metal club called DoRock. It’s down a short side street where, in front, were parked over half a dozen motorbikes and the streets were littered with Turkish metal heads. My adrenaline shot up like the first monkey into space. Beers were cheap and you could drink on the side streets. Word for the night wise, don’t even think about going to a bar or club before 1 AM or you’ll be bored as a eunuch in a whorehouse on discount Tuesday. Inside DoRock was a live band playing all the metal classics so you could imagine that I was as happy as a pig in shit. This is where I met my first few local friends, Kadir and Barbaros. After drinks had been consumed and an intense chucking around the crowd when Painkiller was played, we stuck to the drinking on the side streets. For all the women out there, Turkish men refuse to let you pay for anything (Hooroo!). Drunk as lords at 6AM we went for the classic boozie munchies at the top of Taksim square – wet burgers. They sound disgusting, but by Golly, they are delish. It’s a simple hamburger similar to ones you would find at Maccers but they are kept inside what looks like an incubator – sweating like a well-diggers ass crack – so that all the flavors marinate into each other. After consuming these delights, I managed to get my smokes pick pocketed. The thieves in Istanbul are as slick as a greased pig so make sure to keep your bag and wallet in check at all times.

Saturday was spent taking a tour around the Old Town (Saltanahmed) across the Galata Bridge where one of Serkan’s childhood friends, Benan, took us for the tour of the Grand Bazaar, the Palace and the Blue Mosque. Benan also knew where all the best places to eat traditional Turkish foods were and so we were lucky to get the best of all words sans the cost of an actual guide. After a good walkabout, we jumped on the ferry across the massive harbor to Kadikoy, which is officially my favorite place in Istanbul. Far less tourists know about this place and it is considered the alternative neighborhood in Istanbul with tons of pubs, tattoo shops and street performances.

Many of the locals that I met love Istanbul but hate living there after much political change has taken place over the years. Ataturk founded the country on freedom and liberation; he wanted his people to be modern and make their own modern decisions about the ways in which they wanted to live. After an influx of Kurdish and Islamic people, the government has now become very conservative and right wing to the point where alcohol bans are taking place and strict laws and policies are being instituted as a way of containing the freedoms of the Turkish people. On that note, never talk politics while in Turkey or you’re in for an ear full. There are fundamentally different and diverse views on how the country should be run and it is a source of contention for many. All that aside, the locals I met are increasingly angered over the right wing and corrupt government who manages to stay in power through means of pyramid schemes.

We met up with some more local friends at an Irish pub called Belfast where we recruited the Turks into the Game of Life. We learned what the word M-I-N-E was in Turkish which sounds a lot like “demin” and so any time we heard them even slightly utter the word, BOOM, ten push ups! We ended up getting Barbaros about six times forcing him to do 60 push ups in the middle of the street with stares aplenty. This too is where a cat attacked us because we wouldn’t let him jump onto our table to eat off our dinner plates. After getting well watered, we then decided to buy some beers and go drink in the park by the water. During this time, a poor stay cat had been chased up a tree by a stray dog and was whining for help. One of our new friends actually dangerously climbed the tree to save the cat.

I’ve never seen so many strays in my life. You know they are all safe however, as they all have tags on their ears which mean they have been sterilize and had their rabies shots. For many of the locals, the strays are as much Turkish citizens as the people. Unfortunately though, the government in power just recently passed a law declaring that they are going to exterminate all the strays and that families are only allowed one pet per household. This was quite the upset when I found out about it as these animals share the same friendliness as the Turkish people do. There was a demonstration and protest held the following day in support of animal rights to which I did not attend because, as a traveler and foreigner, I do not want to meddle in another countries political dissonance and end up having to contact the embassy after getting jailed.  Don’t drop the soap.

Continuing on! The camaraderie and hospitality of the Turkish people is truly amazing and unlimited. We met up with some more local friends after some wobbley pops in the park before heading to Taksim again for another last wild night before the Poop Troop had to part ways. We ended missing the last ferry back to Taksim so we had to take what is called a Darmus (“dar-mush”) which is basically a hybrid taxi mini bus – faster than the bus and heaps cheaper than a taxi. There are no stops for these vehicles, you just have to flag one down and hop in before they speed off again. That night we went to Machine Club which is probably one of the most mental clubs I have ever been to. It’s in a dark and dank basement where the Djs are inside a cage that people climb and shake themselves off of. The music is so dirty and the strobe so fast and intense it could induce anyone into an epileptic fit. This is where I made my new girlfriends, Dilek and Gulay. Two stunning and amazing women. We spent the entire evening dancing our arses off all the while, the girls protecting me from skeezy men who, like snakes in the grass, move in on obvious naïve foreign women to either drug or pick pocket them. Another night that lasted until early morning.

Sunday was a sad day for us all. Our Aussie boys had to fly to Vienna to transfer over to Bratislava to meet their cousin. A slight depression sat in after we said our goodbyes (probably also due to too much booze I reckon) but I have no doubt in the future I will see my Team Brown again when I visit OZ. Adelaide, I’ll be heading your way have no doubt! And that is a promise and a threat! Serkan had a tattoo appointment at about noon that day but I needed more sleep so we agreed I’d find my own way there and meet him later over in Kadikoy. This is where I almost had the classic Western woman assault incident. On the ferry over, a couple of younger looking men took a liking to me. They couldn’t speak a word of English save for “You are beautiful”, “I love you”, and “Will you marry me?”. They seemed quite harmless but when abroad, especially in countries where you don’t speak the language, we weary of who you trust. In retrospect, I reckon they were dodgey characters as they were very poorly kept and their teeth looked like they’d brushed with Marmite. They were very adamant about helping me find where I needed to go despite me knowing my directions just fine. Now, this could have been all and well but having traveled enough up to date, I was aware that “going for tea” with absolute strangers of the sketchy variety generally means “going for a mugging or rape”. Needless to say, I dodged that bullet with the help of a cellphone and my knight in shining armor, Serkan Tabanli. After the tattoo session was all said and done, we went to a tea garden that overlooked the water. What a peaceful place. Later on we met Dilek and one of Serk’s old childhood friends for a walk along the water. Dilek, what an amazing woman. Upon our second meeting she gifted me with a beautiful silk scarf that was handmade by her mother. When Turkish women come of age, the women in their family start making linens and scarves that they keep in a chest until the time of marriage. These are very special and carefully thought out pieces. The scarf that Dilek gifted me was from her wedding chest which she was not suppose to open until her wedding. I was completely floored that only upon our second meeting she would give me such a significant gift. People like this don’t exist everywhere. This is something I will cherish and remember forever. After big hugs, we got to drinking some very delicious lemon beers on the water. (If you ever go to Turkey, you MUST MUST MUST drink the limonata/lemonade; literally the best I’ve ever tasted). A few drinks and smokes in, along comes our entertainment for the evening – Istanbul darbukacilari (drummer boys who busk for money) who sang a love song rearranged for the love of Julia and her deep cold eyes!

Monday marked the day when we met a fellow Victoria-ite, Jessica. Turns out that despite her living in the same Victoria neighborhood and working at the bank we all frequented on a regular basis, we had never met until Istanbul. Fucking oath, it’s a small small world. We all headed over to Kadikoy again where we met another one of Serk’s childhood friends, Bahrin. We went back to the tea garden where he read our Turkish coffees. It was definitely an emotional and grounding day. Serk’s friend has been practicing reading fortunes from the dregs of Turkish coffee (similar to tea leaf readings) for 11 years.  How it works is that you tip the muddied cup upside down on the saucer, spin it, and then let it rest opening down for the mud to paint the sides of the cup.  His reading floored me.  Keep in mind this man had never met me until this moment.  He turned the cup over and read the painted sides of the cup.  He said, I have come here from a lot of sorrow but am happier now that I am here.  He said it was difficult reading because my present state is very very mixed up and complicated (we all compared cups and mine was definitely a mess in comparison).  He asked me, “Do you think of your father often?”.  I cried instantaneously when he said this because how would he know that?  He told me that I am having a hard time making decisions because I’m feeling weak inside and that I question myself a lot.  He told me it’s time to basically get my shit together because I cannot remain in this state.  He then moved on to say that the places I want to see, I will go to but beware of an older woman in a head scarf.  She cannot hurt me physically but she can very much harm me spiritually, mentally and emotionally depending on how I react/deal with the situation.  I have to be strong and smart.  Finally he said that I need to chose a direction because when I do, I will be very successful.  He said something about being in a very high position where people will stand to show respect when I enter the room.  Basically, I’ll make it to the top if I chose my direction and stick to it.  He then finished by saying that despite the sorrow I feel inside, he can see that it has caused me to treat and care for others in a more passionate way.  In the meantime, I am weak and need to be very careful.  I need to get my shit together because even right now I’ve been having trouble with parting ways with people and finding the confidence to be on my own.  Waking up with doubt.  All this was translated to me through Serk from a man who I had not known for an hour.  Apparently he is known for his accuracy. It was an altering moment, I can tell you that much.

Later that evening we went on a pub crawl with the owner of our hostel who doesn’t generally organize crawls but will come up to the terrace around midnight with the declaration that he is going out to party if anyone wants to join. Inevitably, the majority of folks staying there do. After another heavy evening, one thing led to another and a small romance develops between myself and the owner which was to continue for the next few days after.

The remainder of my days spent in Istanbul before heading out on a Turkey tour of my own included going to a traditional Turkish pop concert that our friend Bahrin was the drummer for which was definitely a good cultural experience; a private tour of the Galatasaray soccer stadium (with the most VIP seats in Europe next Madrid); a street art festival and party in Kadikoy to which was quite dissonant as they had famous global graffiti artists painting enormous murals on the sides of buildings with very political connotations and messages with regards to religious extremism; more Taksim partying at Machine and various other clubs; a ferry tour up the waterfront to see some more Istanbul architecture; a hardcore show with Benan and Kadir (who I met the first night); and DoRock one last time before hitting another bar in Taksim called Pendor where they served shots called Honono. The Honono shots are similar to the Fane shots in Budapest (carbonated vodka and black current syrup). Meant to get you legless if you do enough of them. Oh and don’t forget the Turkish ladyboy street where painted nymphets were hooting and hollering out of second and third floor windows beckoning sexual favors. We ended our evening with a couple glasses of Raki which is an unsweetened, anise-flavored hard alcoholic beverage that is popular in Turkey and in the Balkan countries. It is similar to several other boozie delights available around the Mediterranean, the Middle East, and in Colombia, e.g., ouzo and sambuca. Raki is a clear alcohol on its own but when mixed with water, which is how it is suppose to be drunk, turns into a cloudy white delicious liquid for all those licorice enthusiasts out there. You only need a couple glasses to start feeling the tinglies. To the Turks, three things are considered sacred among the gastrointestinal scene – Raki aka medicine (sometimes even drank in the morning), Cai (Turkish tea; drunk all day every day at any time of the day; I’m now addicted), and bread (a Turk will not eat a meal if there is no bread present). Prepare for a spare tire round the middle while in Turkey because the locals love to eat and they love to eat in enormous groups so prepare for constant meal invitations. No one goes hungry here.

Stay tuned for my trip down the south west Turkish coast and a very racey Raki romance with a young and dangerously handsome local captain on a traditional Turkish yacht. Swwwwoooooonnn, c’est l’amour!

As the Turks say, “Seni cok seviyorum, askim.” ❤


Retoxing in BudaBEST!

Oh sweet sweet Budapest, where do I begin. You have stolen my heart from me. In actuality, Retox Party Hostel has stolen my heart from me. Serk and I rolled in to Budapest like a pair of ferals, cunning as dunny rats, around mid-afternoon. We originally were going to stay at Carpe Noctem (“Seize the Night”) but hostel bookers pulled a fast one on us because Carpe Noctem was full. The Carpe Noctem staff were just gems and booked us into Retox instead, which is one of the sister hostels alongside Grandio Party Hostel (the horror stories I’ve heard!) and Carpe Noctem Vitae. This was possibly the best outcome for a potentially dodgy situation. The moment we walked into Retox, I felt the tinglies. A lot of the bars and hostels are set up in abandoned communist housing blocks where you enter into a courtyard in the middle of the block and balconies from above surround you where everyone can see what’s going on below. The hostel dorms were located in rooms around the balcony and the open air bar in the center courtyard below.

According to some reading I had done, the beginning of the 21st century was an exciting turning point in the nightlife of Budapest: in the central area of the city new places were opened one after another in tenement houses and factory buildings doomed to destruction. These were equipped with rejected furniture of old community centres, cinemas, and grandmothers’ flats, bringing a retro feeling into these places. They were soon called ruinpubs and became popular very fast among the youth of Budapest – ruinpub is the exact translation of the Hungarian name.

Needless to say, this ruinpub hostel lived up to every expectation I had. Everyone in there were walking around half naked with a beer in hand or sitting around the tables playing drinking games. There was no check-in office, so the really laid back also half naked staff just keep their eyes peeled for anyone who looks like a newbie and just strolls on up for the greet and meet. One particular staff member who shall remain unnamed had me grinning like a shot fox before we even sat down for a bevie. We were given wrist bands and watch-like bracelets that flash the electric locks open. The wrist band cleverly has the address of the hostel in case you get lost three sheets to the wind in Budapest and have to flash it back to the hostel. The rooms were not as greasy as I was expecting them to be in what I deemed to be a “squatstel”. Things were well maintained and the bed were clean and comfortable which is a blessing when coming to a place like this as I’m sure everyone who has stayed in this place has had a bit of a naughty on them. Not very many electrical sockets but you can forget about socializing with the rest of the world when you stay at Retox. Because yes, it is indeed the opposite of Detox. There is no check out so we couldn’t get to our beds right away but who wants to sleep the second you roll into Budapest? Not this screamer, nope!

After getting settled in and “watered”, we headed out for some grub with two lovely ladies from Australia to prep for the pub crawl the staff were hosting along with all the other sister party hostels that night. And what a ripper it was. I swear the Aussies all congregate in these hostels, even Thor’s lookalikes… Delicious. We made a few more friends at the hostel bar before heading out to this club for cheap buckets of liquor and these infamous shots called Fane. It’s basically a touch of black currant syrup filled with carbonated vodka. The carbonated vodka is meant to act like a torpedo in your stomach making the alcohol enter your bloodstream at a much faster rate than normal. Hooo damn! We all split buckets you would find in a sandbox of cocktails round a table with various long straws. One thing led to another and everyone starts blowing liquor at each other and throwing ice at the ceiling to explode all over the crowd. We then ran into Ollie, Alex and Dougy who we didn’t know at that moment that we would continue traveling with them to Serbia. We did five rounds of Fane and cheers to anything from “When in Rome!” to “Queen Elizabeth”. Ridic. After losing steam at this club we decided to hit something more local friendly where I tried some very tasty black cherry beer. Late nights, late nights. I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Sucha root rat, wink wink!

The following day was beautifully warm and could not be wasted indoors. For those of you who don’t know, Buda and Pest are two different cities that are separated by a river. We were located in Pest which is relatively flat terrain and Buda is more hilly where the castle district and citadel are. Serk and I went more into Pest where the best Turkish bath was hidden and a big park with a castle and a few monuments. Stopped for a lakeside cocktail after a long walkabout before heading back for round two at casa del mortum. That night was to be the ruinbar pub crawl which we were really keen on from the get go. This was also the night that the Pooper Troopers/Team Brown was born into existence. After rounding the troops, we all headed down to ruinbar numero uno. One of the Aussie country girls we met really needed to use the dunny and what do you know she broke the damn bowl when she sat down on it, flooding the bathroom, and was convinced the Hungarians were going to kick her out of the country. So you can imagine what kind of poop and fart jokes came out of that. We had the majority of our hostel making fart noises all night. Szimpla bar was definitely the best out of them all. Szimpla is a labyrinth of different rooms ranging from dark lit caverns, to a giant open air jungle; all levels set up in the same housing block style so you can see what is happening in every room. They sell shisha and with it you get a massive carrot with which we assaulted each other with. BOOM BUDAPEST BABY! The final bar we went to was more of a night club in the end. Here things begin to get a little greasy as we proceeded to play shotgun. Basically how the game works is that a team member will shotgun you a member of the opposite sex and the rules are that you have to go and get your snog on with them. We decided after the game getting a wee bit out of control that there are guidelines and you cant just shotgun any one and everyone.

What we didn’t know was our last day in Budapest was a bit of a bust as it was raining and people were feeling rather rank from the night before. We spent the majority of the day tucked away in a cozy restaurant laughing about the antics from the night before. That night was suppose to be a booze cruise down the river but we decided that we would rather go back to Szimpla bar. When our new friends mentioned that they were to be leaving to Serbia the following day for Warrior Dance Festival with Skrillex and Prodigy, we impulsively decided, Hey! Why not?, and decided to join them. The train was to leave that following morning and despite having to get up early, we went spastic again that night. Needless to say, as we sadly departed Retox, the entire place exploded into a round of applause as we walked away. We knew we did a job well done. Team Brown, roll out. I have been keeping in touch with one of the staff members with regards to potentially getting work when I go back to Budapest in the next few weeks. I definitely left my heart there. And one of my flip flops.